The Last Word November 29, 2006
Posted by AkumAPRIME in : Life , 12 commentsIt’s really tempting to get the last word in with people, but I’m not going to do it, not intentionally. There are Many arguments and debates I’ve had with people where I could do this, but why bother? The point is I don’t Care anymore. Getting the last word in would show just how much this banal, mediocre existence mattered, and that my death is for the wrong reasons.
Once Upon a Time… November 28, 2006
Posted by AkumAPRIME in : Life , add a commentI was the one that stole Bertrand’s $40.
Previous Attempts. Obviously Failures
Posted by AkumAPRIME in : Life , add a commentI think when I was 16 or 17, in a manic episode prior to a suicide attempt I shaved one eye brow off. I tried to explain it away to friends as a pre-halloween.. nonsense.. IDK.. something stupid and confusing enough to take their minds off the curiosity of the act itself.
I tried asphyxiating myself in the shower with plastic bags, to no avail. I hadn’t quite conditioned myself for anything like that yet. Even so, the length of time it takes to asphyxiate is so long… the “life urge” so strong… I couldn’t do it now if I wanted to.
I thought about slitting my wrists, but was worried about scars if I failed.
The next day, I took a Bunch of pills I found in my house somewhere. They were old, and at this point I didn’t really know that the efficacy of suicide by pill was so low. I hopped on the bus to go visit a friend, and near my stop I got Very nauseous and tossed right when I got off the bus. It probably looked strange to any passersby.
None of these worked, sadly. Better luck next time?
Why before the Holidays? Why not after? November 24, 2006
Posted by AkumAPRIME in : Life , add a commentWell, I thought about doing this After the holidays, giving my family that one last season, etc. But then I thought about how much I Dread the holidays. The stress, the pressure. I know the food is great, but there’s so much to Do during the holidays. I simply didn’t feel like putting myself through it. Please realize that even getting out of Bed is hard. I have spent the past 2 weeks basically sitting in my room on this computer. I might leave at night or go on a date, but mostly, I’ve been sitting here… Doing Nothing. Because Nothing is all I feel like doing and being.
and is That really the kind of person I want to be for the next 1.5 months? Is is the person my family is going to want to be with?
No
Funerals are for the Living November 23, 2006
Posted by AkumAPRIME in : Life , 6 commentsI don’t really care what anyone does at any funeral or whatever, so long as there is no religious nonsense of Any sort. I know some of my family members are retardedly devout, but the only reason I could possibly have to come back to life and kick some ass is if anyone gets religious about me.
By the time you’re reading this, I will have the answer to “What happens after you die.” This means I am now your superior on All matters of life and death. The last thing I need is for anyone to mutter mumbo-jumbo around me.
I’m going to India…. psych!
Posted by AkumAPRIME in : Life , 10 commentsIn order to have Some sense of good-bye with my friends, I told them I was going traveling again. But sadly, I didn’t get the kind of farewell I wanted.
I wish suicide was a socially acceptable alternative. I would love to talk to my friends and say a real, Final farewell. I would love for anyone I know with questions about me or my life to send them to me so I could die without taking mysteries with me.
As it is, I’ll be leaving my passwords in the hands of those I trust, so full access to my files will be possible.
Ah, so, sorry to my friends for the deception… but I hope you understand and forgive my intent. I can’t(couldn’t?) allow anyone else’s selfishness to interfere with my selfishness.